To whom much is given, much is tested

I'm just lucky it seems. I know some of the greatest people. I have AP calculus, which i wouldn't mind if it weren't for the constant work, I know real lazy. This weekend I technically ran away from home as a result from a panic attack, in doing so I forgot all about my lab report due for my AP class. Today a girl I associate with often printed me a copy of her report and shes going to let me borrow her graphing calculator to finish the report. Of course I'm going to get points taken off for handing in the report late but its better than a zero. I also got my first test back, I got a D for the first time since the 10th grade, when I first took AP calc.

On a much lighter note I have news: I actually got responses to this blog! I am no longer just writing to myself here. This now creates pressure to write something semi-interesting but hell, lets just face it my life is just as interesting as a rice cake. So I'm going to use my method of randomness and barely coherent thoughts.

This weekend I guess you could say I went on my first date.....it was awkward mainly because I didn't know it was a date until I got there and he had invited his friend and his friends girlfriend. I felt well overwhelmed but I do what I always do in uncomfortable situations: try to make myself invisible. Well he's a nice guy and I've known him for years, but when I think about him I just don't feel that much for him. Plus he's a chronic dater, whats to say he just doesn't someone, anyone to fill that space?? Does he really want a relationship with me or does he just want a relationship? Where do I stand on the meter of importance?

When my best friend Brian brought him up, I told him that I didn't want to date the guy and he asked why? According to Brian, he seemed nice so why was I so hesitant about giving him a chance?? Why is that girls pass up on the decent ones for jerks like him (Brian, I mean)?? And I was wondering the same thing, why do girls pick the jerk, the liar, the complete douche bag to waste their time on? Do we think things will get better?? I don't get it, just what the hell do females see that is so attractive?? I want a new millennium guy of course, but I don't want the cold indifference that most of them seem to have, I want him to have the manners of a southern gentleman (at least when it comes to me). I read in a copy of essence magazine that the problem with most African American relationship is that women are to bounded by pressure not to b nagging that they can't clearly convey their emotions when communicating with their partners, so there is a strain on the relationship because the man can't fill a gap he doesn't know is there. Also the lack of men checking one another also plays a part, why do men egg each other when they do wrong?? What satisfaction does that bring? If a man cheats or does any other behavior along those lines his friends should advise him other wise, cause in the long run all a cheater does is mess it up for the next man.

I feel like a real relationship expert now that I have read that over........